What Could Go Wrong? McDonald’s Testing Fresh Beef

Hello, kids! We bring you yet another new feature today. Because why not have a thousand different features? Why not, dammit?!

We come across stuff all the time where our only reaction is, “What could go wrong?” So it seemed logical to make a new feature out of it. We’re smart, see?! Actually, the credit on this one goes to The Only One (Denny’s better half!). This one is all her.

To start the new feature, we give you McDonald’s testing fresh beef!

According to CNN Money, McDonald’s is testing using fresh beef at 14 locations in Dallas. The fresh beef is being used on the quarter pounder, quarter pounder with cheese, double quarter pounder with cheese, bacon clubhouse, and the homestyle burger (which is exclusive to the DFW metro).

So what’s the moral of this story? Don’t eat these items in Dallas.

Why? What could go wrong?

Think about it. McDonald’s is a cesspool of food poisoning as it is. Denny spent three days in the can one time after eating at McDonald’s. Not cool, people.

The burgers are flash frozen. This kind of preserves them, at least. There is much less risk involved with cooking a frozen burger than dealing with a fresh one. Fresh ground beef carries a significant higher risk of contamination at various points. If you need the science behind this, we can’t help you. Scientists we ain’t. It is common sense, people.

Let’s just cut the shit and be blunt. Do you trust fast food workers to take care with the food? Hell no. You roll the dice every time you go to a fast food place. You eat the stuff, and hope you don’t get sick.

Now, you have to trust the same idiot fast food workers to handle fresh beef without contaminating it. You have to trust them to throw out the old food when the time calls for it. Yeah, like THAT is going to happen.

Look, we don’t really think that ALL fast food workers are idiots. But sorry, most are. People no longer take pride in their jobs. They just don’t. And the low-paid food workers don’t care. Yes, we are stereotyping. No, we don’t care.

When you use the shitter, don’t wash your hands, and then touch the food, that says you don’t care. The truth hurts, people.

Now, we realize that frozen burgers don’t fix everything. But frozen reduces the chances for something going to hell. Using fresh beef is like walking with a pole in a lighting storm.

Sure, Wendy’s claims that its burgers are fresh and never frozen. That’s funny, because they taste like microwaved crap a good deal of the time. But it’s not frozen! OK, sure. If you say so.

But Wendy’s doesn’t do the quantity that McDonald’s does.

If this doesn’t lead you to ask “What could go wrong?” nothing will.

We can only hope that this doesn’t take off and roll out nationwide. For all of McDonald’s faults, we still love it (even despite Denny’s three day stint in the hole!). Fresh beef is a disaster. Don’t do it. Just don’t, McDonald’s.

We love the DFW area, but if you live there, for the love of not getting food poisoning, stay away from these items at McDonald’s!