As you all know by now, we Fewd Snobs cover real food. You know, stuff that normal people eat. This, naturally, includes a variety of fast foods.
And over the nearly year and a half we have been around, we have covered a variety of new food items. Some of these we thought would be big, and they were not. Others we thought would be small, and they were huge.
But we have rarely seen a new food item with as much of a buzz around it as the new Mac n’ Cheetos from Burger King.
It seems like everybody is talking about these suckers. Seriously. Not only is every food site covering them, but even the people at the Today Show tried them today.
We have a boycott going on with Burger King. If you don’t remember why, check this out. We have had enough bad experiences with Burger King to be done. But even we had to lift the ban to review this one.
After all, unlike Burger King, we LOVE Cheetos! In fact, we can’t imagine why Cheetos would want to associate with such a shitty “restaurant” chain! Don’t kill your brand, Frito-Lay!
Burger King’s Mac n’ Cheetos roll out nationwide today. They are here for a limited time only. Bust out the champagne for this occasion, people!
Burger King’s site says, “Mac n’ Cheetos are creamy mac n’ cheese covered with crispy Cheetos flavor and served warm.” Sounds simple enough. Take macaroni and cheese, and fry it up with a Cheetos-flavored coating. Sounds amazing! What’s not to love, right? Yeah, we realize you health freaks are against them, but meh. The rest of us should love these!
Let’s find out. Off to Burger King…
The Mac n’ Cheetos come in a pack of 5. So we ordered one. And we didn’t DARE order anything else. Done with that, people.
The back of the package says “Dangerously Cheesy.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You’re so clever, Burger King!
We opened up the super clever box, and saw this…
Can’t you already tell that this is going to be the biggest thing since sliced bread?? Don’t those just look amazing??! No??! What, the burned stuff at the top of a couple doesn’t look good??
Each Mac n’ Cheetos stick is deep fried. The official pictures look to us like there is a dusting of Cheetos cheese (like you find on the Cheetos Puffs) on them. You can even see little orange crumbs on the paper that they are sitting on in that picture. That isn’t the case. Whatever Cheetos is actually happening here is built-in to the breading. Or something.
Do these look anything like Cheetos to you??
And there you have it. Does that look like macaroni and cheese to you? Take a closer look…
We can sort of make out pieces of macaroni surrounded by congealed cheese. We tried to take some of the mac and cheese out of the fried tubes, but it didn’t look any different than this. How enticing! Are we drunk yet?
We’re gonna cut the shit here, people. These things suck. When we say this, keep in mind that we typically like gas station egg rolls. So does that tell you anything??
Let’s start with the mac and cheese. Yuck. Gross. We don’t know what the hell is going on here. This stuff is kind of like mac and cheese jello. The macaroni and the cheese is just a congealed glob of cheese with little pieces of macaroni in it. The macaroni is barely discernible. The cheese tastes like cheese, we suppose. Fake cheese. But you would expect that. The main problem here is that it isn’t melty. At all. You would expect SOME melty consistency when dealing with mac and cheese. But that isn’t the case here.
They taste like a generic, cheap mac and cheese rip-off that was blended together and formed into a tube shape, frozen, and not thawed completely when “cooked.” Makes you want to go buy some, doesn’t it?!
As we mentioned before, these suckers are deep fried. There is no dusting of Cheetos cheese on them. So where exactly is the Cheetos aspect here? Must be in the breading right? It would stand to reason. So now, for the biggest disappointment of the entire failed experiment…
There is NO fucking Cheetos flavor! At all! None!
How in the hell are you going to brand these with the Cheetos name, and there not be any Cheetos flavor at all?!?
The only flavor we did taste was a nasty, bitter, burned, old grease flavor! In fact, we can still taste it hours later! And we aren’t exaggerating here, people. We tried to wash it down with a beer. Then we tried a vodka. Then whiskey. Finally, we resorted to a big gulp of paint thinner. But we STILL taste the vile burned flavor!
Leave it to Burger King to never change the oil. Even on the FIRST DAY of a national roll out! Failing again, BK!
And there you have it.
In the end, we are glad these don’t taste like Cheetos! We don’t want to be reminded of these pieces of shit when we eat actual Cheetos!
Seriously though, we are surprised that Frito-Lay licensed the name to BK for these atrocities. Didn’t anybody at Frito-Lay actually try these?? We realize this is genius marketing. But considering that they suck, we don’t see why Frito-Lay would want to be associated with them. Sure, a huge buzz is being generated. And even we broke our boycott to try them. But the vileness that is Burger King bleeds through to Frito-Lay’s Cheetos on this one. And that is NOT a good thing.
To top it all off, a pack of 5 of these pathetic grease sticks will set you back $2.49 (plus tax). 50 cents a piece for these false Cheetos imposters. There’s no value here, people. Not that it would matter if there were. Because they suck.
Once again, Burger King is all show and no substance. BK abandoned making good food a long time ago. Everything is a gimmick now. Every time BK goes to bat with a new gimmick, it strikes out terribly.
It’s too bad that BK dragged Cheetos down with it this time.
