Herman was going to make a cheese ball (HO HO!), and so he was in the grocery store looking for crackers. He came across these Mediterranean Style Olive Triscuits. The box says they are new. So naturally, he picked them up.
Crackers like Triscuits are great for drunk Fewd Snobs, you see. And we have reviewed other flavors in the past, if you will recall. So we figured we better review these, too. Because that’s what we do.
The flavor certainly intrigued us. What exactly is a “Mediterranean style” olive? We figure Triscuit must be going after Kalamata olives. How do we know? Well, there is a picture of them on the box. We are detectives! Also, Kalamata olives are listed in the ingredients. Although, they are listed WAY at the end of the ingredients. Interesting.
Before we actually get into the review, you need to see some stuff on the box. It is clear that Triscuit intends these to be served with other stuff. Right on the front of the box is this…
In fact, the side of the box explains more…
We cracked open the box. The smell hit us like a ton of bricks. There is a STRONG olive smell. Then again, what did we expect? It was just VERY strong.
So, we tried them.
It was like getting punched in the face.
The olive flavor hits, and it hits hard. Words cannot express the way this stuff hits you. It’s like being punched in the mouth with a thousand olives.
Then, the flavor changes to a sour vinegary pickle mix. Or something.
The point is that the flavor is terrible. Yes, it tastes like olives. But, it isn’t a good olive flavor. It is just a strong olive flavor.
Imagine trying to eat 100 olives at once. That might be how these crackers taste. It is almost like a strong, fake flavor. Yes, the box says there are real olives here. But something just isn’t right. It’s like Triscuit soaked each cracker in olive juice for days, dried them out, and put them in the box. Yuck. Gross.
Herman loves olives, and will eat them by themselves. Denny has grown to like Kalamata olives, too. But these crackers are essentially inedible.
In fact, we both ate half a cracker. We had trouble choking down the other half. Lots of funny faces were made while trying to choke down ONE friggin’ cracker!
So, we did the ultimate test. The dog test! Herman’s dog was hanging around. This dog will eat just about everything, if you will recall from past reviews.
We gave her a cracker. She kept spitting it out! It took three tries before she finally choked it down. The look on her face didn’t say anything good, either. Even the dog doesn’t like these vile little things.
Again, from the look of the box, Triscuit is intending the crackers to be topped with a bunch of crap. Yeah…no. We think crackers should be edible as stand alone items. Why else put flavoring in them?
The cost was the same as any other box of Triscuits, so we can’t bitch about value. But really, save your money. Because these suck.
Triscuit, you fail on this one. Terribly. DO NOT buy, people. We warned you.