My God, where do we start??
That was all we could come up with when deciding how to start this review. And you will soon see why.
You already know the backstory on this new Hot Dog Bites pizza from Pizza Hut. Everybody knows it. There are articles all over the internet. There are tweets everywhere. Every news outlet has already reviewed it in advance. Kelly and Michael had it today. You know the story, so we’ll spare you. The only thing that might not be well-known yet is there are two crust options available. There is the regular crust, and there is a pretzel crust. We reviewed the regular. The regular crust is the version being hyped, so that is what we tried.
Pizza and hot dogs are two things that the Fewd Snobs love. So what could go wrong with putting them together?? RIGHT?!? We were skeptical, no doubt. But still, we hoped there might be a chance it would be good. Nevermind what other reviews are saying…we are Fewd Snobs! Only we can say what is true!!
The pizza became available today. So off to pizzahut.com we went. About a half hour later we were driving home with it. While driving, we noticed a peculiar smell. It didn’t really smell like pizza, or hot dogs for that matter.
Let’s start with the pizza itself.
Many of our competitors have said that the pizza is the same as regular Pizza Hut pizza. This is NOT TRUE.
This pizza is NOTHING like other Pizza Hut pies. The bottom crust is EXTREMELY thin.
We ordered our pizza with pepporoni on purpose; pepperoni is the ingredient shown in Pizza Hut’s ads and in the test pizzas sent to the media. There was plenty of pepperoni on the pizza. There may be even more pepperoni than on a normal pie. But what is different is that this pizza was swimming in a pool of grease. And we do mean swimming!
The pizza is drenched in grease, has little flavor other than grease, and in typical Pizza Hut fashion there is very little sauce. That’s all there is to say about the pizza itself.
Now, on to the main point of this atrocity…
All of the promo material for this pizza makes the little hot dogs look like they are individually wrapped in a crust, and somehow they seem to sit up against the pizza. They don’t look like they are completely attached, and they definitely look like they are wrapped separately. They look like standard Pigs in a Blanket. Our pizza didn’t look like that. At all. The dogs are wrapped in a continuous crust, and the crust is firmly attached to the pizza.
And this is where the Fewd Snobs just can’t find the words. The hot dogs are the main point of this whole endeavor. If you have read this far, you see where this is going. You are thinking, “How can it get much worse?!”
Well it did.
Denny’s Thoughts: I took a bite of the hot dog, and I literally spat it out. I could NOT get through it. The taste was SOUR. It was as if my natural reaction was, “Spit this out. It is poisoned. It isn’t food. Do not eat.” It tasted sour like spoiled food might taste. It was beyond awful. I did NOT taste hot dog flavor at all. Just sour. There was no snap to the dog, not that I really expected there to be. It wasn’t mushy, either. I guess it had a hot dog consistency. But it doesn’t matter. The flavor is absoutely disgusting. And I mean stomach-turning disgusting! I absolutely cannot believe Pizza Hut is selling this. The hot dogs are just awful on every level. I absolutely could not choke it down. Then I tried smelling them. The smell is just as sour as the taste. Nauseating. That is the best way to describe it. And now, an hour after sampling this pizza, I cannot get the sour taste out of my mouth. Beyond Terrible.
Herman’s Thoughts: So I’ll just get to the point here. This pizza did not have a single redeeming quality. The pepperoni grease was everywhere, the crust was inedible, and the dogs tasted like they sat out in the sun all day. Unlike Denny, I was able to choke a few down without gagging, but I in no way enjoyed them. And no amount of mustard would save these poor things. To me, the crust also tasted off. I think they must have brushed a bunch of butter on it for some kind of browning effect. Clearly it didn’t help. I can only imagine what the pretzel crust tastes like. As a final nail in the coffin, I fed one of the hot dogs to my actual dog thinking that surely a dog that eats anything would still eat this. Not so much. She tried to eat it three times, and three times she spat it out before finally eating it. Seriously, I’ve seen this dog wolf down cat shit faster than that. Pretty sure this pizza is doomed. To the garbage it goes.
There really isn’t much else we can say. Pizza Hut is making a big deal out of this vile thing. It is out for a limited time only, and sells with 1 topping for about 12 bucks. We don’t care if we could order it every day for free; this pizza is inedible. We ate it so you don’t have to. We don’t know what the HELL Pizza Hut is thinking. We LIKE Pizza Hut. But this is an absolute atrocity. It shouldn’t be eaten by anybody. Ever.