From the Land of Stupid, we give you Chick-fil-A.
Chick-fil-A has lost its shit, apparently.
Back in January, Chick-fil-A got rid of cole slaw from the menu. This pissed a lot of people off. Not everybody likes Chick-fil-A’s awful fries. So, the cole slaw was a perfect replacement. Well, not anymore!
It is bad enough that the joint is eliminating a popular menu item. What’s even worse is the bullshit reasoning behind it. According to Business Insider, the company said, “We know many of our customers loved our cole slaw, yet we have also heard from our customers that they are looking for new tastes and healthier ways to eat in our restaurants.”
Did you catch that??
Customers are looking for “healthier.” HEALTHY?? You sell fucking FRIED CHICKEN sandwiches, you jackasses!! Yet, in order to be healthy, you cut cole slaw? Cole slaw!? Not the fried chicken. Not the sauces that are loaded with fat. Nope. The cole slaw!
What are we missing here?
We aren’t the only ones pissed off. Food Network star Alton Brown had something to say. He told Gwinnett Daily Post, “I absolutely love Chick-fil-A, but I’m upset with them, so I’m boycotting them because they took coleslaw off the menu.”
So, Ass-fil-A has replaced the slaw with the “Superfood Side.” Stupid-fil-A’s website describes it as, “Chopped Broccolini and kale blend, tossed in a sweet and tangy maple vinaigrette dressing and topped with flavorful dried sour cherries. Served with our roasted nut blend.”
What the fuck is Broccolini? We don’t want to know.
Remember, this place sells FRIED CHICKEN sandwiches. Yet, it now offers a fucking kale blend salad with “sweet and tangy maple vinaigrette” and “flavorful dried sour cherries.” What the hell is going on here? Pretentious much? Who is this place trying to fool?
You sell chicken sandwiches and cole slaw, not kale you dipshits!
To this, Alton Brown says, “Kale? Did you say kale? I don’t go to Chick-fil-A to eat kale. I go there to eat slaw.”
We love this guy. We couldn’t have said it better ourselves.
If all this isn’t stupid enough, guess what the dumb bastards did next?
They got rid of iceberg lettuce.
According to WGN, the chain’s VP of menu strategy and development said, “We have a mandate: Never use iceberg lettuce.” He also describes iceberg lettuce as “lacking all nutritional value,” and being at the “bottom of the salad food chain.”
Can you believe this? Again, this is the place that sells fried chicken. FRIED CHICKEN! AAAAAAHHH!
Both of us agree that iceberg lettuce is WAY better on sandwiches than leaf lettuce. Leaf lettuce is mushy and wilted and soft. Yuck. Gross. Iceberg has a better taste. And it gives a sandwich some crunch. It has its place in salads, too.
The amount of stupid here is astounding. It is almost difficult to write about.
The trends towards “healthy” at fast food places is getting disgusting. People don’t go to a place that sells fried chicken for kale and bullshit. They go for a nice, greasy chicken sandwich. Life in 2016 is just stupid already.
And the iceberg lettuce thing is just beyond stupid. There is no way this shithole can argue about nutritional value while selling sauce that has 140 calories, 13 grams of fat, and 120 milligrams of sodium per serving (according to WGN). It just doesn’t make sense.
We would go to Chick-fil-A from time to time. Herman is a fan. Denny thinks it is overrated. But, this news is making us think twice about ever bothering to step foot into one of this pretentious, over-glorified shitholes ever again.
Screw you, Chick-fil-A.