Take a look at the picture above. What do you see?
Let us help you with that. You are looking at ten Chicken McNuggets from McDonald’s. These little bastards have been around since 1983. In that time, they have mostly been unchanged.
It seems that McDonald’s has gotten the bright idea to change the ingredients in Chicken McNuggets.
According to Eater (which cites yet another source…we’re not citing them all because we aren’t journalists, people!), McDonald’s is making the change in order to have ingredients that are “more recognizable.” It sounds like the real point is to eliminate artificial preservatives.
So get this. Some of the new more “recognizable” ingredients include lemon juice solids and corn starch.
What the FUCK is a lemon juice solid?!
Sure, we can put together what it is. But that’s not the point. McDonald’s thinks this is more recognizable? We have never heard of lemon juice solids! And frankly, that doesn’t sound much more appetizing than the artificial shit that is in there now! Solids sounds like something they filter out of sewage at the water treatment plant!
According to the article, it has been confirmed that the new McNuggets have a shorter shelf life. That in and of itself is scary. We all know that McNuggets sit too long as it is. Now, they will STILL sit too long. And they will poison us faster! A side of food poisoning with your artificial preservative-free McNuggets coming right up!
As if all this isn’t bad enough, let’s look at the real reason for this change, shall we?
Millennials have been staying away from fast food because it is “unhealthy.” You already know how we feel about millennials, if you have been paying attention. So, the real reason to introduce “cleaner” food is to try to win millennials and health freaks back to McDonald’s.
OK, shitheads. Let’s face it. These types of crowds do not eat at McDonald’s!! They don’t now. They aren’t going to with “cleaner” ingredients!
This is all such bullshit!
Here’s how it goes…
- Group(s) cry that food is unhealthy and demands change
- Company caves to bad PR from said group
- Company changes recipe
- Said group(s) still don’t eat the new food, therefore accomplishing nothing
- Existing customers no longer eat the food because it tastes like shit now
There you have it!
We are SO sick and tired of life in 2016. Health freaks and millennials are ruining everything for everybody. You don’t like the ingredients in Chicken McNuggets? Don’t eat them!
But the real loser here is McDonald’s. Damn you, McDonald’s. We like you. We really do. We love eating your greasy, unhealthy food. Why? Because it IS GREASY AND UNHEALTHY! Don’t cave to all of these pussy groups! By doing that, all you are doing is chasing away the legions of customers that you do have! These shitheads aren’t going to eat your “cleaner” food! All you are going to do is chase your existing customer base away!
And don’t tell us that the McNuggets will taste exactly the same (as somebody says in the article we cited). Bullshit.
We have come across changes like this before, and almost every time the food is different. It just doesn’t taste the same. We can’t think of examples right now because we are drinking. You know how that goes…
Look, the point remains the same. Making a change to appeal to a group of people that will not eat in your stores anyway is a stupid, stupid move.
Above all, we love Chicken McNuggets. To us, they are an old standby. They are like an old friend. You may not call on them constantly, but when you do, nothing is changed. You pick right up where you left off. Translation – we like to stuff our fucking faces with good old classic Chicken McNuggets from time to time. And we don’t want them changed and have them taste like shit!
And we can’t end this article without mentioning this little nugget (nugget, get it?!). McDonald’s is testing the new recipe in select locations, but is hoping to roll the new recipe nationwide in the United States in time for the 2016 Summer Olympics.
What in the fucking hell does a new recipe of Chicken McNuggets have to do with the fucking Olympics??! You think a lot of Olympians eat fucking McDonald’s? And fried Chicken McNuggets, no less?! This is just stupid beyond belief.
Reconsider, McDonald’s. You have made a lot of dumb mistakes over the years. But this one might be the absolute dumbest one yet.