Oh Hell No! Heinz BBQ Sauces (New)

Check this out. For our next “Oh Hell No!” we give you Heinz new BBQ sauces!

Yes, it appears that Heinz doesn’t make enough money making ketchup, vinegar, relish, and the tons of other foods that it puts its name on. No, not good enough. Now it is going into the BBQ sauce business.

First of all, we think Heinz is overrated. So let’s just get that out of the way right now. We don’t even buy Heinz ketchup. Or catsup. Or however the hell you spell it.

Everywhere you go there are Heinz bottles of ketchup. Precious. Of course, we all know the real truth. Restaurants buy the Heinz bottles once. Then, they refill the bottles with the industrial bulk bullshit brand ketchup. But it looks premium, right? Wow.

Herman buys Hunt’s ketchup. Denny buys Great Value (the Walmart stuff!). Why? Because screw Heinz, that’s why. Good enough.

So it is true…we already don’t like Heinz. But still, BBQ sauce? Really?

IMG_20160512_132553509Yes, really. Heinz has introduced five new sauces. We have Classic Sweet & Thick. Then we have four others that are named after cities or states. Each one has a different flavor profile, if you will. Goodie.

Also available is…

IMG_20160512_132632989…the Pitmaster Collection! Gone is the “Classic” sauce. The Pitmaster Collection just has the cities and states ones. Isn’t this all swell?

Look, we love BBQ sauce. But there are great BBQ sauces at any grocery store that aren’t just a ketchup company trying to get in on BBQ sauce to get more sales. For example, if you want great sauce, go get some Sweet Baby Ray’s. It is our favorite. No contest here.

We are all about simple here at Fewd Snobs. But there is just no need to go with a Heinz sauce when there are great sauces already out there.

There is no validity to a Heinz BBQ sauce. We suspect that Heinz knows this. That’s why Heinz needed a gimmick. Heinz teamed up with “top pitmasters” on each sauce to create “authentic regional barbecue sauces.” Well, that makes me want them now! Wait, no it doesn’t!

We don’t care who Heinz teamed with. If you live in Texas, are you going to buy Heinz sauce? No, of course you won’t. You will buy a local sauce that doesn’t suck.

By now you know us. We have no problem with big national brands. But something just seems off about “authentic” regional sauces coming from a company like Heinz. We could see this more if the company just introduced a plain old BBQ sauce. Recall that recently Heinz got into the yellow mustard business. Same deal. Except Heinz didn’t bring out “authentic” and “regional” mustards.

In other words, you aren’t fancy because you teamed up with “top pitmasters.”

Ugh.

Stick with making vinegar, Heinz.

18 Comments

  1. JW

    You’re stupid! Before you comment on a food item…try it! And you’re commenting on Heinz not being up to par…..

    Reply
    1. MB

      You lost all credibility when you said Sweet Baby Ray’s was your favorite. You obviously don’t know jack about bbq. The regional bbq flavors are an established reality of the bbq world. I like that Heinz is offering an actual Carolina vinegar sauce, because what you mostly find is sickeningly sweet Kansas city style (like Ray’s). I imagine most REAL bbq fans are excited by these sauces.

      Reply
      1. Fewd Snobs (Post author)

        So we lost credibility when we said Sweet Baby Ray’s is our favorite? Sweet Baby Ray’s was started in 1985 by one person. That person beat out 700 entrants in a rib cook-off. How do we lose credibility here? Yet, you defend Heinz?? And WE don’t know “jack” about BBQ? We have no problem with regional BBQ flavors. Just not ones made by Heinz! You are certainly entitled to your opinion, such as thinking that Sweet Baby Ray’s is “sickeningly sweet.” But, we are entitled to our opinion as well. We’re not fans of Carolina vinegar sauce, but we’re not saying that YOU “don’t know jack about BBQ.” And we seriously doubt that “REAL” BBQ fans are excited by these sauces. They already have local (or even national) favorites. “REAL” BBQ fans are not looking to Heinz to provide them with great sauces. If you enjoy them, more power to you. We’ll pass, and we gave our reasons why.

        Reply
    2. Fewd Snobs (Post author)

      We’re stupid? YOU are the one who can’t comprehend. The point of the “Oh Hell No” feature is for us to comment on something we have no intention of actually trying. Get it? Probably not. You are too dense.

      And if we aren’t “up to par,” leave. We won’t miss you.

      Reply
      1. Joanna Norris

        You- fewdsnobs – are idiots!

        Reply
  2. d meeker

    sweet baby rays??? your kidding..garbage. high fructose corn syrup..in bbq sauce??try stubbs sweet heat..the best.and the oh hell no. on heinz..couldnt have said that better my self

    Reply
    1. Fewd Snobs (Post author)

      You people are killing us. We are FEWD SNOBS. There is irony in the name. We are anti-snobs. We don’t give a shit about high fructose corn syrup. In fact, we LIKE it! And we like Sweet Baby Ray’s!

      Reply
  3. Billie Jean

    If you live in Texas and don’t make your own sauce, you might be a Yankee transplant. Or jest plain lazy!

    Reply
  4. Roger H

    The reasons you give for dismissing this product are rather silly. And worse, you basically gave a product a thumbs-down without without even trying it. This level of bias and closed-mindedness is unbecoming of a food critic of any standard.

    For everyone else out there, I’ve had both the Heinz Texas BBQ Sauce and Sweet Baby Ray’s and the Heinz is a MUCH better sauce. Take this from someone who actually bothered to try both products.

    Reply
  5. Steve Skidmark

    I’ve tried several of these and they’re quite good. As noted, there are few commercial sauces which aren’t largely composed of high fructose corn syrup, so I think Heinz gets some credit for upping the bar. Are these sauces 100% authentic, or as good as homemade? Of course not. But they’re tasty and introduce the notion of regional BBQ differences to the masses, who remain unaware of anything outside Kansas City sauce. There’s nothing wrong with Sweet Baby Ray’s but it and most of the other commercial sauces represent a single style.

    PS Heinz ketchup rocks. If you are unable to detect the handful of spice notes that distinguish it from the others you mention, it suggests that your palate is rather undeveloped.

    Reply
    1. Joanna Norris

      Totally agree with you. Could not say it better. Who are these morons (fewdsnobs)anyway?

      Reply
  6. Ryle

    46 years of living in Texas and 15 years in the bbq business…and sometimes even a mass producer like Heinz gets lucky…the Tangy Carolina sauce is amazingly good…try it before you deny it…you may love it the way we do.

    Reply
  7. RC

    The sauces aren’t named after cities and states. They’re named after styles of bbq sauce. Every region has their own particular take on what makes up a sauce. Real cooks make their own sauce anyway.

    Reply
  8. Daryl Wright

    Last night I bought a bottle of Heinz Kansas City BBQ sauce and a bottle of Heinz Kentucky Bourbon BBQ sauce just to try them even though I usually buy Sweet Baby Ray’s Hickory Brown Sugar BBQ sauce which happens to be my favorite.

    Reply
    1. Doug

      So what’s your point? Did you like them or not?

      Reply
  9. Jeff

    Well I was short on money and it was the only one on sale..go figure so I got it to try! And I’m from TEXAS! GOT THE KANSAS CITY ONE and it passed my test. Sweet baby rays is fine but never got it again.

    Reply
  10. Joanna Norris

    What do you have against Heinz? Their ketchup is the best! As for their bbq sauce, I HAVE ACTUALLY tried them as well as most of the other brands. Heinz makes really good bbq sauce and is not sickeningly sweet like all the others. The others are so full of sugar they kill rather than enhancing the flavor of the meat. Before you critique something, try it, you’ll give yourself more credibility. Bottom line you’re the one who SUCKS, not Heinz.

    Reply
  11. Marshal malone

    What a garbage article. It’s bad because Heinz? Seriously who thought this was a good idea. The Memphis sauce is awesome and Heinz definitely sets the standard for ketchup. Don’t believe these idiots.

    Reply

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