Check this out. For our next “Oh Hell No!” we give you Heinz new BBQ sauces!
Yes, it appears that Heinz doesn’t make enough money making ketchup, vinegar, relish, and the tons of other foods that it puts its name on. No, not good enough. Now it is going into the BBQ sauce business.
First of all, we think Heinz is overrated. So let’s just get that out of the way right now. We don’t even buy Heinz ketchup. Or catsup. Or however the hell you spell it.
Everywhere you go there are Heinz bottles of ketchup. Precious. Of course, we all know the real truth. Restaurants buy the Heinz bottles once. Then, they refill the bottles with the industrial bulk bullshit brand ketchup. But it looks premium, right? Wow.
Herman buys Hunt’s ketchup. Denny buys Great Value (the Walmart stuff!). Why? Because screw Heinz, that’s why. Good enough.
So it is true…we already don’t like Heinz. But still, BBQ sauce? Really?
Yes, really. Heinz has introduced five new sauces. We have Classic Sweet & Thick. Then we have four others that are named after cities or states. Each one has a different flavor profile, if you will. Goodie.
Also available is…
Look, we love BBQ sauce. But there are great BBQ sauces at any grocery store that aren’t just a ketchup company trying to get in on BBQ sauce to get more sales. For example, if you want great sauce, go get some Sweet Baby Ray’s. It is our favorite. No contest here.
We are all about simple here at Fewd Snobs. But there is just no need to go with a Heinz sauce when there are great sauces already out there.
There is no validity to a Heinz BBQ sauce. We suspect that Heinz knows this. That’s why Heinz needed a gimmick. Heinz teamed up with “top pitmasters” on each sauce to create “authentic regional barbecue sauces.” Well, that makes me want them now! Wait, no it doesn’t!
We don’t care who Heinz teamed with. If you live in Texas, are you going to buy Heinz sauce? No, of course you won’t. You will buy a local sauce that doesn’t suck.
By now you know us. We have no problem with big national brands. But something just seems off about “authentic” regional sauces coming from a company like Heinz. We could see this more if the company just introduced a plain old BBQ sauce. Recall that recently Heinz got into the yellow mustard business. Same deal. Except Heinz didn’t bring out “authentic” and “regional” mustards.
In other words, you aren’t fancy because you teamed up with “top pitmasters.”
Stick with making vinegar, Heinz.