It should come as no surprise that out of our first three “Oh Hell No!” features, two of them are from Burger King.
Let’s make this very clear. Burger King sucks. There you have it.
Once upon a time, we remember Burger King being good. But that ship sailed long ago, people. For what seems like forever, BK has simply sucked. It focuses on endless stupid novelty menu items, and forgets the core menu. Had a Whopper lately? Is there actually any meat on those things? Nope.
At this point, we are done with Burger King. After our last experience was so terrible, we tweeted BK, and the bastards completely ignored us. Screw you too, Burger King.
So, from the land of shit that we absolutely wouldn’t review if we could, we bring you Burger King’s latest failure. The Whopperrito.
You have got to be shitting us.
Even the name sucks. It kind of sounds like something you would order at Starbucks. “I’ll have a Frappuccino, a cappuccino, and a Whopperrito, extra hot, hold the whip, please!” Get the hell out of here.
Our friends at GrubGrade and Eater have reported that a BK in Hermitage, PA is selling this atrocity (Hermitage. Is that where Herman is from??!). It is exactly what you would expect; it’s Whopper ingredients wrapped up in a tortilla. Really?
According to Eater, “…the Whopperrito appears to include flame-grilled beef, American cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, mayo, ketchup, pickles, and onions.”
Look, this bullshit has to stop. The Whopper Dog was off the wall enough, but we could kind of understand that one. Hamburger place has a signature hamburger. Then, it introduces hot dogs. So, the signature burger stuff goes to the hot dog. OK. But a burrito? No. Just no.
We love burritos. But we don’t love Burger King anymore. Can you even imagine the slop that is BK meat mixed with all that other slop, and then mayo slopped all over it all? And then it being stuffed in a tortilla? The keyword here is slop. Slop is not good.
This problem goes past just the Whopper/burrito concept. Burger King has sucked for years. And why? Because it constantly introduces novelty items that suck. Sure, this may bring some people in the door. But, those people buy it once and never come back. And why? Because it sucks!
Why keep reinventing the Whopper? Why not fix the one you have! The regular Whopper blows these days. It is basically a lettuce, tomato, and mayo sandwich. There is hardly any meat on the damn thing! You have to get the double or triple Whopper to actually taste the meat. And you better hope your “burger” doesn’t look like the one that Denny threw away…
And when you get to the double and triple Whopper, the price is insane. For that money, go and get a real burger at Five Guys. Or go to a real restaurant like BJ’s and get a burger. There is no need to buy the crap that BK is selling.
Burger King’s fries are absolutely disgusting. They seem to have a built-in coating that tastes like wax. The onion rings blow, too. They are fake! How do ‘ya fake an onion ring? Ask BK!
You get the idea. Stop playing with stupid novelty items, and just make the core menu good again. That would bring people in the doors, stupid BK!
We are old enough to remember when BK was decent. It was certainly a notch up from McDonald’s. The burgers were “flame broiled.” Sure, the cost was higher. But it was more like a real burger.
Those days are gone. BK sucks now. The Whopperrito is a really stupid concept. And there you have it.
Fortunately, BK doesn’t plan to roll this out nationally. Good.
This started off about the Whopperrito, but we ended up ranting about BK. Damn. Maybe an official “Why Burger King Sucks Now” rant will be coming soon!
Bad move, BK. Stick to what you used to know.